She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
