The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
