i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
