new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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