I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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