dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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