the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Drake has all the answers
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
