Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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