i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
