Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
