I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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