My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
