i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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