I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
