I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
