stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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