she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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