Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
