Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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