I puked a lego.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
