What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
