Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
