oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
