I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
