even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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