Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
