There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
