sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
