i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
