I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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