New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
