Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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