allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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