my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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