Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
