Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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