I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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