I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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