Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Floor bacon is actually really good
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
