I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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