White coat. Heels.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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