6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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