She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
