You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
