It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
