I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
