I'm drive I can fine osifer
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
