i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
