If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
