please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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