dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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