I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
