she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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